Having Anxiety as a Christian
It’s summer time!
The last time I wrote to you all on this email list was in August, and I was having a HARD time. You can go back and read that August devotion if you want a refresher.
I was leaning hard on my faith to remind me why I ever set out to be a teacher in the first place. But I stuck it out. I finished the year, and of course it all turned out ok. The kids who I thought would give me a run for my money became my favorites. The kids who were quiet and reserved learned to trust me and make friendships. The kids who had gaps grew! It was everything I hoped it would be, but I had to get out of my own way and trust that God wouldn’t put me on a path I wasn’t meant to be on.
This morning at church, my pastor preached on anxiety. It was a different kind of sermon, and it was the kind of experience that had me reeling in my seat with all of the words I wanted to say to teachers on this very topic.
It kind of surprises me when I feel inspired to write to you all. I’ll go months at a time just trying to keep my head above water with motherhood and teaching and life. And then a topic will resonate with me so deeply that I can’t stop thinking about it until I write.
So, here I am.
Let’s talk about anxiety. Specifically, this verse:
“6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”
I grew up in the church, so I am very familiar with this verse. I was kind of anxious kid, so I remember my parents and Sunday school teachers telling me to stop worrying.
“Just tell God about it. He’s in control!”
You know what telling God about my anxieties never did? Make them go away.
I remained anxious. Teaching has not done me any favors in that department. I am consistently worried about something. Sometimes it’s a big worry that sits heavy on me like an elephant on my chest. Other times. it’s a million tiny worries that are in the back of my mind, even when I have time off.
It’s a job that demands a lot from us. It takes and takes and takes, and gives so little back.
Who WOULDN’T be anxious when you work like a dog, but don’t make quite enough to pay your bills? Or when you pour so much into other people’s children that you spend your evenings ignoring or being exhausted by your own?
Who WOULDN’T be anxious when they suspect that a child in their class is going home to an abusive situation? Or when a child shows up every day to be abusive to them?
It’s an anxiety-inducing profession. And I’ve never appreciated the sentiment that anxiety is ‘un-Christian’. I was taught that if I had enough faith, my worry would melt away. As a little girl, I imagined a God with a magic wand who would wave it and give me peace if only I prayed harder, or believed deeper.
But let me tell you all what I learned this morning: we’ve only been reading half of the verse. Yes, it says to present your requests to God through prayer and petition. But it ALSO says with thanksgiving.
And that may be the missing piece for all of us.
Take a minute to think back through your life. Think through your hardest moments in your personal life, and through the hardest parts of teaching.
Can you think of any moments when you didn’t think you’d make it, but you did?
Do you remember any small miracles? Are there any moments where money made itself available when you didn’t think you’d be able to pay a bill? Or when someone offered to help you with something that you desperately needed help with, but hadn't asked? Or when you found the inner strength to push through something that was difficult, and you made it out stronger?
You know what that was, right? That was God. That was God taking care of you, being faithful to you.
I can think of so many of these moments, I found myself crying in church today. Several moments happened just this year.
The mom who made me feel like I should quit teaching at the beginning of this school year apologized to me and thanked me for caring about her kid at the end. The hospital bills we raked up by having a sick baby this school year were offset by a generous donation by my staff at school. The terrible transition of putting my middle daughter in kindergarten was resolved by a patient and loving teacher who helped her grow in so many ways this year I can’t even list them.
I didn’t recognize all of it in the moment, but that was all God. I agonized like you wouldn’t believe about Josie starting kindergarten. She was having such a tough time in August, and I felt like I’d failed her as a mother and should have held her back a year. I lost sleep over those hospital bills. I applied for a handful of jobs in October to get me out of the classroom because of that one mom.
But each of those situations was being resolved in the background, without me having to think about it. The worrying I did was wasted energy.
And none of these situations were life and death. Sometimes we go through those moments, too. But really the things that make us feel like we can’t keep going most of the time are the dozens of little things piling up on top of each other.
So, how do we find peace in the midst of the anxiety? We remember to say ‘thank you’.
Thinking back over just the past 3 years of my life, and making a mental list of the times that God’s hand was clearly protecting and guiding me, I was overwhelmed with Thanksgiving.
After that, the list of things currently on my worry-list felt so manageable. Yes, they are things I need to work through. But God hasn't failed me yet, and he won’t start now. I have the ultimate protection on my side.
What are you feeling anxious about these days? Whatever it is, it’s ok. You’re human and it’s part of living. But, you don’t have to be a slave to it. Take the time to remember the many, many times that God took care of you. After that, trying thinking about your worries again. You just might have a new perspective. ❤️
Happy summer, everyone!
XOXO, Stephanie